A Book Launching at Power Books (Makati, Philippines)
The Filipino Family Surviving the World
by Dr. Ma. Lourdes Arellano-Carandang
and Dr. Queena N. Lee-Chua
by Dr. Ma. Lourdes Arellano-Carandang
and Dr. Queena N. Lee-Chua
The Filipino family today is facing many changes, within itself and in the larger society. But the family remains the moral center of society where values are learned, and role models, emulated. To rebuild the nation, it is the belief of award winning clinical psychologists, Dr. Ma. Lourdes Arellano-Carandang and Dr. Queena N. Lee-Chua, that we need to start taking care of the family. In their book The Filipino Family Surviving The World, they discuss the impact of these developments on parents, teens and children and suggest ways of coping with changes.
Perhaps the change that has had the most direct impact on the Filipino family today is global migration- the significant increase in the number of overseas Filipino workers (OFWs). This has resulted in changes in the structure and composition of our families. There are now more single-parent families, mother-headed, father-headed, child-headed, blended families and many others.
Dr. Carandang explains affirmation via total listening.
Dr. Carandang, or as she is known by many of her patients, former students and mentees, Tita Honey, tells the story of families currently experiencing the ups and downs of the OFW experience in the section of the book entitled, The Inner Lives of OFW Families. Here are some of those family stories:
Mirasol Family
Romy Sr. and Aurora have five children. The two eldest children are married while the three younger ones, all adolescents, live with them. Romy also has a two-month-old daughter from an extramarital affair.
A year ago, Aurora left to work in Qatar as a reflexologist but ended up as an "all-around". She left to earn money for her children's education. But her departure saddled them with a huge debt, resulting in their having to mortgage their family home.
Romy has to learn how to budget their expenses and to take care of the children's school needs. He works as a tricycle driver until the wee hours of the morning. He says that the work helps him cope with loneliness. He used to drink, but his children didn't approve, so he stopped.
The youngest in the family, 15 year old Romy Jr., echoes the overwhelming sadness felt bu the whole family: "Nawala ang ilaw ng tahanan, nawala 'yung laging nasa bahay, nawala 'yung nag-aalaga ng buhay at 'yung nag-aalaga din sa amin. (The light of the home had gone, the one always at home had gone, the one taking care of the household had gone, and the one taking care of us had gone)."
Romy Jr. says talking to his mother on the cell phone twice a month helps to alleviate the sadness. Activities such as fixing the house and doing the laundry with his siblings, as well as studying, have also helped him cope with his mother's absence.
His passion for singing and solving logic puzzles, and his aspirations to finish school and pass auditions for a national singing competition on TV have helped him rise above feelings of burden and sadness.
The Mirasols hope that Aurora will return home for good. Romy Sr. says nothing good has come out of her leaving. "Parang wala namang magandang nangyari. Lahat kami nangungulila. Wala akong nakitang improvement sa buhay namin (Nothing good seemed to have happened. All of us are orphaned, I haven't seen any improvement in our lives)".
Fernandez Family
Six years ago, Arcadio and Aloha lost their jobs when the restaurant they worked for burned down. Soon after, Aloha left for Singapore to work as a caregiver. Arcadio was reluctant to let his wife leave, but both of them decided that the sacrifice would ensure a better future for their children.
It took Arcadio about two months to adjust to the changes brought about by his wife's departure. He stayed home, did domestic chores such as laundry and cooking, cleaning the house, and even bathing 10-year old Jolo. Arcadio says he had difficulty with Jeralyn, an adolescent with issues regarding body changes and low grades, but their relationship has improved.
It is a plus that the Fernandex couple has a good relationship. Arcadio writes to Aloha every day and she, for her part, calls him daily. They pledge their faithfullness to each other, and respect each other deeply. He is also thankful that his wife has a good employer.
Arcadio is now able to buy what his children require, and has adjusted to the role of mothering his kids. He is attuned to and sensitive to their physical and emotional needs. His children are a source of comfort, and he copes by spending a lot of time bonding with them and observing simple family traditions. His goal is to have the kids finish schooling and his wish is that his wife does not get sick. These two things give him hope and energy to continue despite his wife's absence.
Dr. Carandang's Message to all OFWs: Stay in touch,///Chris Carandang singing his own composition,
and believe in the resilience of your children. ////////"Panibagong Buhay".
The Strength and Resilience of the Children
Despite the overwhelming feeling of powerlessness and hopelessness that is especially felt by the father and some of the children, many of these family members have displayed an admirable resilience, and eventually found coping mechanisms that work for them individually.
Out of the pervasive sadness, it is the children who have been able to draw strength from deep within themselves to look beyond the present situation and imagine a better, happier, more beautiful future when the family will be truly complete.
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